The Secret Blog

This blog is for anyone who needs to talk and needs someone to listen.
Secrets are entirely anonymous.

13263) I absolutely hate you for what you have done for me, i hate it more than anything. I can’t possibly even move on with my life even though it was four whole years ago. I don’t know what else I can do. I am in a relationship, a happy one - at times.. other times I wish I came down to see you and everything would be perfect again.. well we wasn’t exactly ‘perfect’ but it was enough for was enough for me.. it was a shame that it was a case of how we was so right for each other but you was so screwed up, you fucked us up, you fucked me up. I can’t move on with my life, you have moved on.. ten months ago we got back in touch and it was the best months of my life (again) when we was speaking, i told you i love you, you said it back, you made me feel special again, needed again, wanted again.. it was a shame I couldn’t go through with it all. We could have been us again - something I have always wanted, somet hing I will always want.. one day maybe we can get back to being me and you, but until then I guess I will have to keep carrying on with my life, you with yours, us two knowing we need each other but can’t be together.. I need you, more than I need him, you are my everything, always have been and always will be. One day I tell you, we will be. Not anytime soon, not anytime in the next year, but someday, one day we will be together again. You seem to have moved on, maybe in mind, but I know in heart - deep down, you always will love me and care for me, as I do for you. You said it was ‘goodbye for now’ day it will be ‘hello’ forever…

13261) I’m upset that my parents are blaming themselves for me not properly graduating high school.

I walked on stage with everyone else and I received a diploma. I’m going to community college, I’m not giving up.

They give me a home and food. They’re not the greatest when it comes to supporting me emotionally. My emotions are what really influence everything I do. In the end, I let my emotions carry me away. I was close to meeting requirements, but I didn’t.

It’s my fault. I let my fear get in the way. My depression grew stronger than I could handle. I didn’t want to bother my friends or my boyfriend with my problems because I thought my problems were stupid. I kept smiling and trying my best. But in the end I didn’t.

My fear cost me my dream school, I didn’t apply. My sadness cost me my dream job… I distracted myself the best I could with friends and memories to cherish in upcoming years.

It’s all my fault.

My parents weighed me down emotionally. Instead of praising me for getting my grade up from an F to a C they scolded me for not doing better. They scolded me for not getting homework done, when I clearly had no assignments missing. They told me what I wanted to do for a living would never amount to anything.

I know they did some things because they care but some I misinterpreted for hurtful things and here I am.

It hurts me that they’ve given up on me. They don’t speak about me. They ignore me completely. It seems as if they’ve disowned me.

I’m sorry.

My friends are still supporting me, they’re helping me find more opportunities. Encouraging me to take the necessary steps to move on. They’ve supported me in ways that my parents don’t understand is necessary.

No matter how many times I explain and apologize my parents won’t accept it. It really hurts me that they’re hurt although they had nothing to do with it. I don’t know what to do anymore.

I’ll continue to try my best I guess. Although it’ll take more time, I’ll get there. I know I will.