12982) I feel so lonely tonight. I feel like everyone around me is just talking about me behind my back and that I have absolutely no one in the world I could talk to. I just want someone to hold me and not to say the wrong thing and let me cry, who doesn't annoy me, who I actually love. I seem to have an inability to cry, and it's really frustrating. I'm going back to school soon.. New start? I'd like to think so, I'd like to think that there'll be new people and I'll meet someone and we'll be perfect and I'll finally be happy. Then I won't have to fake the cheery smiles and I'll be able to make funny, polite small talk without having a lump in my throat. I'll feel like I have friends. You can only go around faking you don't care for so long. Almost certain none of that will happen, I can hope and pray and I could even try to 'take my life in my own hands because only YOU can change the way YOU feel' I've heard it all before and none of it works. I could make it all happen? Not likely... This year will be boring and sad and as fucking lonely as last. But I can't get rid of the stupid hope that something'll change.